Congratulations! You’re lucky enough to be in a time and place where you can view the Solar Eclipse, an event that won’t be visible for another seventy years or so. I’m sure that you’ve read up on all of the material on eclipses, but if you’re going to enjoy an eclipse, you gotta do it right!
- Make a Day of It
Seeing a solar eclipse only happens once or twice in a person’s lifetime, if they’re lucky. Make sure that you don’t miss this ultra-rare opportunity by clearing your schedule and even taking the day of from work in advance.
Even better if you invite your friends over for an eclipse viewing party, and have everyone bring eclipse-inspired foods, like moon cakes, Coronas, and make a playlist (Blackhole Sun, Black Sun, Invisible Sun, Total Eclipse of the Heart, etc.)
- Find a Good Spot
In order to enjoy the eclipse fully, it’s important that you find a somewhat secluded spot away from other people and any unnecessary noise that would distract you from nature’s wonder. An open field or abandoned parking lot with plenty of access to the sky are ideal.
- Bring Protection
It goes without saying to NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE SUN. Even though it isn’t as bright as a full sun, the UV rays are just as damaging to your corneas. Bring some special eclipse viewing glasses, a welding mask, or make your own viewing box to enjoy the spectacle without later needing spectacles. Also make sure to bring sunscreen if you’ve got sensitive sun, bug spray, umbrellas, and a large sack of salt (more on that later).
- Get There in Advance
Setting up a spot in advance ensures that you and your friends will have plenty of time to mingle and chat before the eclipse. It will also give you some time in advance to prepare the ritual, so that you aren’t running around at the last minute making sure everything is perfect and in order. Remember, you’re there to have fun!
- Prepare the Sigil of the Gateway
Using the collected ashes from a burned down church/temple, create a circle 30 feet in diameter, making sure that it is as close to a perfect circle as mathematically possible (this is why you want to get there early). Make your circle in an area that is relatively unobstructed by rocks or hills, for perfection is key. Fill in the circle according to the “Sigil of the Gateway” located in your Necronomicon.
Again, I cannot stress enough how perfect to the “T” it must be. Mnomquah is a stickler for details.
- Create a Circle of Warding
This is where the sack of salt comes in. Positioning you and your friends around the edges of the Sigil, each of you create a smaller circle of salt around yourselves. Now this won’t protect you completely, but it will make Mnomquah notice your presence and that you had a hand in his awakening.
- Start the Chant
Reading from the 112th stanza of the “Epic of the Deep”, from the top of the line:
“MGLW’NAFH SQUOP RHY’LEIGH NAMK PMN’OEPR MNOMQUAH KUZ PH’OMN”, contentiously throughout the entirety of the eclipse. You’re going to be chanting this for a while, so make sure that you’re plenty hydrated and have memorized the lines. It helps if you can chant in Deep Speech.
- Behold the Presence of Mnomquah
If you did everything right, at the totality of the eclipse the moon should remain in place and the sky should be colored a dark crimson red. You should be hearing a rumbling reply that makes you want to vomit. If you don’t want to vomit, you did something wrong and that’s not Mnomquah, but Gleeth, The Blind God of the Moon, and you should soon be blessed by becoming deaf and blind.
But chances are that other people are also performing the ritual, and Mnomquah should be emerging from his prison in Lake of Ubboth on the moon to lay waste to our world.
- Await Mnomquah’s Judgement
Depending on how well you performed the ritual, Mnomquah will either reward you by granting you a quick and painless death, or making you one of his emissaries in the upcoming cleansing. NOTE: If you are not in a salt circle, then Mnomquah will not recognize your presence, and you’ll have to suffer the upcoming destruction.
Do not pray for your other friends and family who didn’t receive Mnomquah’s blessing, for God has abandoned humanity long ago. There is only Mnomquah and the Old Ones. Do not scream for they are nothing but whispers to the ears of Mnomquah. Do not think about the end, for you cannot possibly comprehend what horrors await the rest of humanity. Do not cry, for tears only fill the deep, dark pool for which Mnomquah resides in. Do not hide, for nothing escapes the unholy gaze of Mnomquah’s wrath. Do not run, for there is no running from your mortality.
- Have Fun!